Perubahan Yg ......

What I'm about to write, memang sudah lama terjadi. Cuma I lebih banyak diam dan lihat sahaja. Hal apa... Biasa lah hal my hubby, yang selalu sangat pentingkan kawan2 daripada famili dia sendiri. Sudah memang dari dulu lagi dia selalu saja dgn kawan. Tapi akhir2 ini sudah macam menjadi-jadi. Semenjak 'blood brother' dia meninggal dia lebih banyak masa diluar. Kalau di rumah pun telepon tak berhenti-henti berdering. Ada juga i talk to the 'blood brother' wife(Mmg I rapat dgn wife dia). She told me "banyak2 sabar gerl, nampak2 laki kau dah take over job arwah laki aku, jadi 'Big Brother'." Bila she told me that, I pun jadi alert la. Pantau tingkah laku hubby. Memang betul semua yg she told me hubby dia buat sudah jadi pada my hubby.

Kejadian yang terbaru terjadi pada hari Rabu, 30hb Mei 2007. I ajak dia go for dinner, coz mom-in-law tak dad rumah, jadi apa salahnya kita keluar makan sama2, lagipun esok holiday. I sampai sahaja di rumah, ido my usual thing lah, clean the house. By the time I took my shower hubby pun balek. Entah kenapa muka dia masam macam asam jawa. Sikit pun tak senyum or tegur me & his son. All he said was " floor berminyak sangat. You dah lap ke belum." To me itu perkara biasa, dia memang tak suka rumah serak or floor melekit. After he clean the floor again, he shower, siap and didn't even talk to me. Bila I see him macam tu, I put seperti biasa angkat kaki wait for him outside. Sekejap lagi my son come to me dengan muka yang merah and said to me "macam nak tumbuk jer muka dia, balek jer nak bising2 muka masam. Asyik suruh orang belajar, belajar belajar..." Masa tu I masih boleh tahan sabar. I told my son "sudah memang perangai dia gitu nak buat macam mana. You sabar jer la, his your father."

Bila dia dah siap, we go out la. I ingat dah ok lah. Dalam kereta dia tanya nak pergi makan di mana, and dia suggest to go to Bugis to buy bag for Khairul as a birthday gift from us. Seperti biasa HP dia tak stop berdering with calls lah SMS lah. Jalan di Bugis macam kartun rasa nye, laju giler. Aku nak look see pun terencat. My son nak beli t-shirt pun dia tak kasi. Apa hal pulak hubby ni. "Ok tak per" I said. Then we when to Bt Timah for late dinner. I memang tengah sakit tekak dari Monday. Nak order air si mamat tak dengar pulak, dia marah I suruh cakap kuat2. Suara dah tak leh keluar apa salah nyer you cakapkan. I punyer blood dah mula nak boiling. But tell myself to sabar. Sekejap lagi HP dia bunyi lagi. Members call, said diaorang semua lagi cuci kerata di bawah blok rumah I. Mamat bungkus murtabak lambat, Hubby dah macam tak tentu. Murkabak sampai, paid for the dinner, we pun make our way home. Dalam kerata hubby hati senang on lagu boleh nyanyi lagi. Me dah bingit. Sampai di parking nampak sangat dia happy. Bila nampak members dia senyum lebar macam nak koyak mulut. Me & my son bingit giler. Mendidih darah I.

Sampai di rumah mom-in-law ask "mana Jamal?" Apa lagi satu persatu I keluarkan. I told her dah lama I diam bab tak kuasa nak gaduh. I told her everytime we go out it macam kelang kabut. Cepat2 pergi cepat2 balek. Bila balek dia akan turun again jumpa kawan lah cuci kereta lah. Bayangkan lah my son pun dah pandai cakap "Ayah kan kalau keluar dgn kita mesti muka masam tak pernah bergurau. Abis tu pergi sekejap jer dah nak balek." You tell me lah kalau your child yg baru berumur 13 tahun(coming 2nd Jun) dah pandai cakap macam tu apa you akan rasa. Mom-in-law ask me to tell him, rasanya kalau I cakap pun macam cakap dengan orang pekak. So I let the matter rest lah. Tapi deep inside me I want hubby to change, I want him to know apa yang dia buat tersangat menyinggung perasaan me & his son. But apa yang I boleh buat selain berdoa. Mudah-mudahan one day Allah will buka mata & hati dia to realise apa yang sudah dia buat. Hopefully its not too late.

Then, yesterday I ingat hubby nak drive taxi, coz thats what he told days before. So I plan lah with my son to go to rumah my mother and pada masa yang sama i plan to collect my son LV bag from Sidah. I naik MRT with my son. Dalam train hubby call saying Aman baru start nak bawak taxi, that was about 1.26pm. I stop-by at Keranji station to go to 'This Fashion'. Hubby call again (1.53pm) saying dia tak bawak taxi. So i said "ok lah you come to my mom place see father yang tengah sakit'" Hubby kata "tak payah lah, nanti you nak balek i come and fetch you." Bingit jugak lah kan. Father-in-law sakit tak nak go and see. OK tak per, I relex jugak. Cuma i told him "tak payah fetch me, can go home myself, lagipun i nak jumpa Sidah." Then that settle... At about 4.51pm he call, macam orang boring bunyinya. He said mom-in-law bising2, he ask me apa I da mengadu to her. Bila i told him , you tahu apa dia cakap... "You manjakan sangat anak you, ayah pun you dah tak layan... Bila dengar dia cakap tu I pun jawab lah "you yang tak pernah layan I. I told you i sakit you buat bodoh jer bukan nak carikan ubat ke, tanya sakit apa ke." Brother bingit terus pun down phone. What, he think I will call him back like I use to do. Relex sua bro... I tak call until I was with Sidah. He call tanya bila nak balek. Baru jer jumpa dah nak suruh orang balek. He want to fetch me told him tak pe I can balek sendiri. Sampai di rumah I buat macam biasa jer. I dah siap kalau hubby tanya I tak akan diam jer will jawab secukup-cukup nyer. My son pun dah ready to back-up his mom. Well I think hubby rasa jugak cuma tak mahu mengaku, biasa lah lelaki 'EGO'.

I just hope he will sedar sebelum terlambat. Anak dah semangkin membesar. Perangai tak berubah juga, takut2 anak yang kasi ingat.........