Rasa rasa

Lately I've been very feeling down, don't know why. Seeing things happen around me and people behaviour towards me. I wonder is it me been too sensitive or what. Rasa dah macam tak ada kemesraan di rumah. Masing2 buat hal sendiri. Jamal sibuk layan kawan2, Khairul sibuk dgn kerja sekolah. By the time he finish dah malam and time to sleep. Tapi ok juga lah, bila dia tak ada kerja sekolah leh juga layan ibu dia. But for his father, he is more into his own world. He put us aside. Bila di rumah ada jer yg tak kena. Semua yg dia nampak salah pd mata dia.

At home every now and then hp will ring with sms la phone call la. Bila i tegur leh jadi marah pulak tu. I am try very hard to ignore, tapi sakit seh hati tengok. Kawan jer di dulu kan. Kawan ada problem tolong settle. From what i see he is taking charge of the frenz like aruah amy did. Jadi "Big Brother" la kan.

Kekadang tu i lebih suka bila dia tak ada di rumah. Aman tak ada org kacau. (Dah jadi macam khairul lak, lebih suka ayah tak ada.) I rasa i mesti banyak banyak bersabar, buat buta, beri perhatian more to myself and my son.

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Happy Valentine!!

Its already Wednesday and already mid of february. Tym pass too quickly, like lightning. Nothing much happen. Cuma risau sikit jer. Khairul ada received sms from a girl who call him "syg" ya... It was a shock of my life... Try to keep my cool. He did say the girl like him... Hai baru sec 1 da ada crite..

I was watching "Dlema Wanita" on TV1 monday nite @ 9.30pm. Its abt an old mother who was left alone in a big house, trying to get the children attention. Sedih juga cerita nyer. But i don't know why i was crying thru out the whole show. Somehow the story touches me. Maybe i was imaging myself in the old mother shoe. Maybe someday i will be like that. From there i teringat my own mother, yg dah 1 week i did not call to tanya khabar. Betul kata Dr Fadillah Kamsan at the end of the episod. Kita mesti sentiasa bertanya khabar org tua kita. Kita mesti bersiap sedia untuk menghadap hari hari sepi sendirian. The episod really wakes me up.

Rasa rasa nyer i'm not ready yet to leave without my son. For now what i have to do is to prepare myself mentally and physically.

Risau Ya............

After reading my son's blog yesterday, i feel so worry. He did ask me have i read his blog. He wrote abt his dad, how he hate his dad nagging at him and always ask him to study. He even wrote how he wish the dad not in the world. Susah tu...

Biasa la, my hubby like to nag and will always ask my son to study. I jadi serba salah. When i ask khairul to study he will say ok. Selalunya he will do his skool work first and when he do not have alot of skool homework he will do his tuition homework. And if he do not have any homeworks, he will do his own revision. It is ok with me, as long as he do his work. But for my hubby, he want khairul to finish everything on the spot. On weekend when khairul on the comp, my hubby will nag again. To me its ok as long as he finish everything. Weekend i will let him play.

I don't know how, to tell my hubby. I don't want jamal to think that i sebelahkan khairul. I don't want khairul to hate his father. I know his father love him, but his way of express his love is diff from me. I don't want khairul to be stress-out because of this.

How Ya.................

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Sakit...

Khairul was down with fever and flu on Monday, got MC for Tuesday but he insist on going to skool. He said "Nanti homework all tak dapat, i ok la can go to skool. Ibu jgn risau la.." Ibu mana yg tak risau u...

I lak for few day keep on thinking of my pass... Things my hubby did to me... All the bad memory keep coming back very clearly. The last time i had this kind thinking, few weeks later Jamal come and tell me he was still with the women....(sign)... i wonder apa lak lah agak nyer he have done now.....

Mmg i notice he seem to be receiving lots of sms and phone call lately, but i try not to ambil tau too much..... Entah la..... Mmg i tak put all my attention to him, but somehow he still my hubby n we are under-one-roof. Mata leh tutup tapi hati tetap tertanya...

Harap harap apa yg Jamal buat tak akan menyusahkan diri i, biar dia susah sendiri, don't drag me n khairul along....